would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
