From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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