Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
