she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
