The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
