apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize