On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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