My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
