He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
