so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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