??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
