just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
