i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
