discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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