he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
