I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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