you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
