i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
