pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize