Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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