Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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