Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They are going to name an STD after you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
