I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize