you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
