My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Randomize
