I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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