My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize