I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
