Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
