Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize