Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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