Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
