and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
