i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
