apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
