I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
