If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
