mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
where am i from again
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize