remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
