I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
