There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
