i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
