my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
