I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize