Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
