I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
