And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
