I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
