Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
