dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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