i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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