i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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