we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
there is glitter all over my balls
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize