um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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