Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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