Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
