I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
