So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
