I think I died a long time ago.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
