so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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