I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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