sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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