so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
