yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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