Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
