I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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