so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
