I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize