your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
