Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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