Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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