Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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