u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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