i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
