I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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