i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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