I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
