That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
