im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
