just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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