You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
