I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize