he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
