you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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