had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
